Well...I did it! I finished my first piece in a few months, probably because I had a great violist, Katherine Clarke, and a few dollars behind it.
The funk is real, and I've been feeling very funky lately. Not in that cool Robert-Glasper-Producing-Kendrick-Lamar way but with that wild voice of Resistance in my head. I have major Impostor Syndrome today and I want to discuss it and hear what you think.
In my most recent blog post, I mentioned that the people I'm surrounded by are amazing artists. They really are. They have been inspiring me to write and work harder than ever, especially given the gift of time. I'm working alongside a previous MacDowell Fellow, regularly commissioned artist, an amazingly provocative writer (with a new commission), award winning writer/actress, ex-Harvard Business School attendee turned nonfiction writer, amongst others.
My best friend just won two orchestral spots (which he deserves-it's been a long time coming). My partner is having his songs looked at by a legit-as-hell record producer.
So what am I doing? How can I fit into all this? Am I a worthy participant in this residency? Can I call myself a career Artist yet?
And yes, I was one of 7% of 968 applicants to this program, and after 6 years of applying I finally got in. But I was just waitlisted at another residency...which feels good...but not that good. It's better than a rejection, but it's certainly not an acceptance.
I feel so vulnerable; I'm in a position where I am absolutely the weakest link, which is a wonderful learning experience--and god, I'm growing artistically at a rapid rate... but Resistance is shouting at me, and more aggressively than ever.
I want to make art. Full time. For money. As a career. I am simply in the hustle and grind stage (what I am now calling "The Waitlist Stage")? I remember how this felt in my entertainment career, and I got where I wanted to be. I still see even further potential for my trajectory there. But to start over as an artist is a full time job. I'm ready to do it, but I'll need all the support I can get.
My next project is a viola concerto. After that, I want to continue my doodle exercises (see photo sample below) and work on a new multimedia project about sexual harassment in the workplace.
I'm sending lots of love to my readers; I know you are few but you are consistently kind and supportive toward me.
What do you do to pull yourself out of a rut? How do you combat resistance?
Til next time,