Well...I did it! I finished my first piece in a few months, probably because I had a great violist, Katherine Clarke, and a few dollars behind it.
The funk is real, and I've been feeling very funky lately. Not in that cool Robert-Glasper-Producing-Kendrick-Lamar way but with that wild voice of Resistance in my head. I have major Impostor Syndrome today and I want to discuss it and hear what you think.
In my most recent blog post, I mentioned that the people I'm surrounded by are amazing artists. They really are. They have been inspiring me to write and work harder than ever, especially given the gift of time. I'm working alongside a previous MacDowell Fellow, regularly commissioned artist, an amazingly provocative writer (with a new commission), award winning writer/actress, ex-Harvard Business School attendee turned nonfiction writer, amongst others.
My best friend just won two orchestral spots (which he deserves-it's been a long time coming). My partner is having his songs looked at by a legit-as-hell record producer.
So what am I doing? How can I fit into all this? Am I a worthy participant in this residency? Can I call myself a career Artist yet?
And yes, I was one of 7% of 968 applicants to this program, and after 6 years of applying I finally got in. But I was just waitlisted at another residency...which feels good...but not that good. It's better than a rejection, but it's certainly not an acceptance.
I feel so vulnerable; I'm in a position where I am absolutely the weakest link, which is a wonderful learning experience--and god, I'm growing artistically at a rapid rate... but Resistance is shouting at me, and more aggressively than ever.
I want to make art. Full time. For money. As a career. I am simply in the hustle and grind stage (what I am now calling "The Waitlist Stage")? I remember how this felt in my entertainment career, and I got where I wanted to be. I still see even further potential for my trajectory there. But to start over as an artist is a full time job. I'm ready to do it, but I'll need all the support I can get.
My next project is a viola concerto. After that, I want to continue my doodle exercises (see photo sample below) and work on a new multimedia project about sexual harassment in the workplace.
I'm sending lots of love to my readers; I know you are few but you are consistently kind and supportive toward me.
What do you do to pull yourself out of a rut? How do you combat resistance?
Til next time,
Greetings from the Djerassi Residency Program in Woodside, CA!
I've been here for nearly a week and I'm already feeling how powerful this place is and how it will inform my work. I've connected with 11 other brilliant and kind creatives who will, no doubt, teach me a lot while I'm here.
So far, I have spent most of my days combining a mix of hiking, writing art music, writing songs, journaling, doodling, and asking a lot of questions. The landscape is breathtaking, and there's a bit of a mandate here: you can create as much or as little as you'd like. There's no shame in resting for a month, but if you want to challenge how prolific you can be, we'll support you in that as well.
What a strange change from academia! And from my pop career...and truthfully, from my own expectations. I'll give a full report at the end of this month, but so far, I've found that I am more productive given a totally free schedule while I live in proximity to other artists.
So here's a question: what would you do in a space/time environment like this? How would you spend it?
More to follow...so much more. Everyday is a new adventure.
I'm -sort of- training for a half marathon right now. Hopefully these mountains make it a hell of a lot easier!